Chapter 4

He caught himself staring at her again but he couldn’t turn his eyes away as he looked at her lips. He started to wonder what it would feel like to kiss them when she looked up at him. He looked up and looked her in the eyes.

She smiled sweetly, she couldn’t blame him, she had been staring at him too, now she just felt his eyes on her. “So,” She said uncomfortable now and not knowing how to go on. “it’s nice here.” Richie chuckled at seeing her a little uncomfortable. “Yeah it is. Too bad we’re too busy with therapy all the time.” He joked. Sarah chuckled; he’d only been to one of his therapies out of three so far. She knew he’d have to go tomorrow, it wasn’t high school and she shouldn’t stop him from going.

Richie couldn’t even believe she was here, she had the looks, more than that and she probably had the brains too. Then again, he himself had everything he could want, well almost. He repressed his question of how she got here and stayed quiet. The centre didn’t only help people with alcohol addiction so he couldn’t just assume she had the same problem. He decided on another question, something she might feel more comfortable to talk about. “What are your son’s names?” He knew he felt better when he could talk about his daughter, it made him instantly proud, maybe it was the same for her.

She looked up at him again and Richie smiled. “Caleb and Noah.” She answered him. “What’s your daughter’s name?”

There was that proud feeling. “Ava.” He smiled, quickly thinking of his next question. “So are they staying with their dad now?” Sarah looked away from him and shook her head. “No, they’re with my mum.” Richie felt relieved with that, no husband then. He could keep staring at her then, as if he could tear his eyes away from her if she did have a husband, no, he’d still be staring. How couldn’t he, she was beautiful. He asked her a few more questions about her kids, finding out their ages, 15 and 16, what they did in school and he told her about Ava too. They never got to the question of what either of them was doing in a rehab centre but that was fine, Sarah looked more comfortable while talking and he felt happy with that. Before they knew it two hours had passed and everyone else had left group therapy, going to lunch. They were still sitting by the pond.

“Hey, what are you two doing there?” They both turned to look where the sound came from. Again Richie felt like a little kid being caught, Tina walked towards them.

“You weren’t in therapy.” Tina said to Richie when she stood next to the bench. “I know.” He wanted to defend himself but he came up with the truth. “Sarah wanted to show me around here.” Tina’s face relaxed and she smiled at Sarah. Out of the corner of his eye Richie could see Sarah bite her lower lip, trying to smile, she seemed so unsure of what to do. Tina turned back to Richie. “Be there tomorrow and make sure you go to your sessions this afternoon.” She said sternly. “I will.” He promised but why did she only tell him to go and not Sarah? Tina told them lunch was going to be served in a few minutes and suggested them to go inside. Richie felt like he was in school again, make sure to go to class, be in the lunch room during lunch. Stay positive he reminded himself.

During lunch Sarah sat at the other end of the table. Richie wanted to think she was trying to get away from him but tried not to. During lunch he talked with Fred and Carl and listened to them talking about group therapy. He might as well get a heads up before going tomorrow. There wasn’t a dance at the end and the group hug was optional. He was sort of relieved; he could survive an optional group hug.


The rest of the afternoon he spent by listening to a short lecture of Tina, telling him how important group therapy was and that he should attend every one of them. He nodded agreeing with everything she told him. After listening to Tina he went to his afternoon private therapies, spending most of the afternoon there. Talking about his life and addiction. Afterwards he actually felt a little better. Positivity.

The tv was on in the living room and he decided to join and see what was on tv. Apparently channels that broadcasted any type of news were disabled. They really had no contact with the outside world. Who knows what could happen out there and none of them would have known. He didn’t like that idea but at least no one at the centre would find out he was who he was. No one had seemed to recognize him and he didn’t want to go into it either, there was no use for it any way.

He looked around the room and noticed Sarah wasn’t to be seen anywhere. He turned to Fred that was sitting next to him. “Where did Sarah go?”

Fred looked up and looked around the room too, then shrugged. “She’ll be here somewhere. Maybe she went to bed early.”

Richie checked his watch, 7.30pm. That’s very early to go to bed. 7.30, the rest of the band would be on stage right now in New Orleans. He was missing it; he didn’t want to miss it. Being on stage was an amazing feeling, he wanted to be there. He wondered how that replacement they found was doing. Hopefully not screwing up his songs.

Fred nudged him, Richie looked at him confused. “What are you thinking about?” Richie felt a little annoyed; every time he was lost in thought someone asked him what he was thinking. Fred kept looking at him, wanting for an answer. “A concert.” Richie answered him. “We’re you going to a concert today?” Richie smiled to himself, yeah that would work well enough. “Yeah, some band I like.” Fred nodded, and then asked: “Bon Jovi?” Richie’s smile disappeared. “No, another band…” He couldn’t think of another band. He had worked with so many and loved so many and the only band he could think of was The Beatles, and that wouldn’t exactly work. “No worries,” Fred said, “I’m not going to tell anyone.”

Richie sighed, he hadn’t expected to be recognized, especially not here. “Really?” “I’d be a bad friend if I did.” Fred said. Friend? Were they friends?


Go to the next chapter

Chapter 3

In the afternoon Richie went to his therapies, he answered the questions that were asked, explained his feelings and tried to figure out why he drank so much, but he already knew why. He thought it was an easy reason, he was lonely, alcohol made him forget that. He couldn’t solve that problem without finding someone he could love.



During dinner he found Sarah again at the table and took the seat next to her. “So do we skip group therapy again tomorrow?” He whispered, not noticing the little jump she made and how she shifted away in her seat.
Sarah tried to laugh. “You sound like were in high school.” She remembered the times she would skip classes back then too. She'd go to the beach or hang out around the mall with her friends.

“I didn’t go to class all the time then either.” Richie said. “Aha, though guy huh? What should we do instead of group therapy then?” Why did she say that? She didn't want to go and do something with him. She couldn't take it back anymore either.

“We can explore the grounds.” He hadn’t been outside yet and actually wondered what was out there to see.

She liked the idea, the premises was very big, it was a nice piece of nature and she could stay further away from him. “Good, but after breakfast, I need coffee in the morning first. I’ll show you around afterwards.” Did she just say she would show him around? Why?



The next morning Richie didn’t bother to hurry up and get ready, he had already decided not to go to group therapy, he wasn't into group hugs with strangers, he thought about that for a second. Fans were strangers, but that was totally different he decided.

His guitar was staring at him when he came out of the shower, it needed to be played and he knew it. He picked up the guitar and sat down on his bed and laid it across his lap. Placing his fingers on the frets, thanks to the calluses on his finger tips he couldn’t feel the strings as he pressed them down and stroked his thumb down over the strings. The musical sound that came out could be improved he thought. Laying the guitar down on his lap, he reached over to his guitar bag and got a guitar pick out and made the same sound again. Better.

When he was sure everybody would be gone to the group therapy session he put his guitar into its case and went downstairs.

As he had thought, there was nobody downstairs. He knew he shouldn’t go to the office, they’d notice him and Tina would get angry this time. Looking around the open space there was nobody else and no sign of Sarah either, she must still be in the kitchen.

He made his way to the kitchen; walked inside and saw nobody. Yesterday Sarah was cooking but there was nobody at the stove and nobody sitting at the table. The room was empty.

He’d hoped she would be here, he really wanted to be alone with her again, her to show him around the grounds. The night before he had been looking forward to it but now she wasn’t there.

It was almost 10, he decided to make breakfast any way, and maybe she would still show up. There was some bread left on the counter by the 4 piece toaster. He put a slice of bread in every space and turned on the toaster. Opening the fridge, he leaned into it, looking what was in there. After having a mental debate to have orange juice or milk, he closed the fridge and turned on the coffee machine instead.

The toast popped, he turned around and looked around for peanut butter in the cupboard above it.

When he finished his toast and was about to turn around to get the coffee Sarah walked into the kitchen. “There you are. I thought you weren’t going to show.” Richie said, happy to finally see her. She looked great, even though she wasn’t wearing anything special, it was all her.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Sarah smiled, it was exactly what she had done. “I overslept.” She spent the whole night wondering what skipping therapy with him meant. It was typical for her, always over thinking everything a guy did. What did it mean that he wanted to explore the grounds with her? What would happen if they went outside? Then she'd get scared. “Aren’t you making eggs for me?” She couldn't believe why she kept asking questions like that.

“Not if you love your life.” Richie joked, he was a horrible cook. “I can share my toast though.” He said, holding out a slice of toasted bread for her.

Sarah carefully took the slice he was holding and sat down a few chairs away from him, eating the toast. He shared his food with her, now what did that mean?



A little while later they did the few dishes there were and put everything away. “Ready to go?” Richie asked when he threw the dish towel on the counter; he was eager to go out, he’d been inside for two days and wanted to smell the fresh air and feel the wind. It was spring after all.

Sarah looked around, thinking of something she had to do before but couldn’t think of anything. “I guess so.” She said, not sure why it sounded like she didn’t want to. “Are you sure you want to go?” Richie asked her, it seemed like she wanted a way out. “Cause you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can go sit in my room.” He shrugged at the last he said.

“No, come on, let’s go.” Sarah said as she quickly walked out of the kitchen, looking over her shoulder to see if he was following her. Now she had no choice but show him around, she really had to stop doing that.

They walked through the open space behind the office to the glass wall. Sarah found the door and carefully opened it without making a sound.

She started walking and Richie caught up with her, walking next to her. He looked out over the premises. “I didn’t think it would be this big.” He said as he saw the pond, with a few benches surrounded by trees. It almost looked like a park.

“They’re just missing horse stables.” Sarah joked as she continued to walk towards the pond. Horse stables? She thought to herself, stupid! Richie chuckled at her joke. It was a lovely day out, the sun was shining and a light breeze of wind swept up. It was great being outside.

They sat down on a bench by the pond, looking over the water. Not knowing what to say, they sat quietly.

They both sneaked glances at each other every few minutes while neither noticed the other. The silence they were in was quiet but not too uncomfortable and they weren’t sure if they should break it or just enjoy the peacefulness of the view they had.


Go to the next chapter

Chapter 2

The next morning Richie woke early and stretched out before getting up and taking a shower. Standing under the shower longer than usual, he had no idea what to do anyway. He would have to go downstairs soon but he preferred putting it off as long as he could. Last night he hadn’t gone back down to meet the rest of the people and didn’t look forward to it now either.

After his shower and getting dressed he sat back down on his bed and picked up his guitar, playing some chords. He knew he wanted to work on some songs for a solo album but during rehab it just didn’t feel right, it would probably influence his songs so he stuck to playing songs he knew instead of composing.

After about an hour of playing his guitar he felt more relaxed and started to feel hungry and wondered if breakfast was still available downstairs. Yesterday Tina had told him what hour’s breakfast, lunch and dinner was but he wasn’t really paying attention. He put his guitar down and got up to go downstairs.

When he walked down the stairs, he had an overview of the living area and noticed nobody was there, the space was empty except for someone sweeping the floor, he assumed he was part of the cleaning team.

He went back to where he had come in yesterday, the front desk, to ask where everybody was.

“Richard, what are you doing here, you have to be in that group therapy.” Tina told him when he walked up to the desk.

Richie felt like a little child being caught in the act of something he wasn’t supposed to do and didn’t know what to say but repeat her. “Group therapy?” “Yes, you would have known if you were at orientation last night.” She explained sternly, a bit annoyed.

She seemed nice yesterday but now he wasn’t too sure anymore. “Orientation?” “Here,” she took a piece of paper from under her desk, “every week after dinner we show everyone their schedules, so you have to be there.” She started pointing out which days he had therapy during the week and at what time.

The schedule also told him who volunteered to make meals and if there were any special occasions. He thought his schedule was rather full. He had 2 hours to talk to a psychologist each day, 3 days of group therapy which was all morning. After that he would have 2 hours with an addiction therapist.

He had done it all before so he knew how it would go, back to why he started drinking, realizing why he had started, learning to live without it and the last few days they would spend looking towards the future. Last time he had left before they talked about how to fix it but he had heard how the system worked. It was the group therapy he didn’t look forward to. No one here had lived his life of lifestyle, they wouldn’t understand it. As much as he thought he was just like any other person, he was not.

It was almost 10.45 and he could hear his stomach growl, reminding him he was hungry. “Did you have breakfast?” Tina asked worried now.

He thought it was funny, just a few minutes ago she seemed annoyed with him and now she was worried.
“No, I haven’t, can I still get some?” “You know where the kitchen is; just make sure you go tomorrow.” He took the piece of paper with his schedule on and left in search of food.



He found the kitchen and walked inside, not expecting anyone but he was wrong. There was a lady cooking eggs by the stove. Shouldn’t she be at that group therapy too?

“Morning.” He said. She jumped and dropped her ladle, she clearly hadn’t expected anyone walk into the kitchen either. She put her hand on her chest where her heart was. “Geez, you scared me.” She said as she turned around to face him.

He recognized her, he had seen her the night before. What was her name? He searched his brain but he couldn’t remember it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I missed breakfast so I came to see if there was anything I could still get.” He explained to her, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. He’d seen her last night, he knew he did, hadn’t he noticed how beautiful she looked then? Damn it, he’d even talked to her! He kept searching his brain, someone must have mentioned it. What did they talk about last night?

She emptied the pan of eggs onto a plate and placed her plate on the table, walking back to the counter she took the box of eggs and handed it to him. “Breakfast,” and she sat down at the chair that held her plate in front it, far away from him.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck, he talked to her the day before, he couldn’t just say, hey I’m new, who are you?

He took the box of eggs, cracked a few in the pan and kept going over the conversation yesterday. When, who was it? Carl, that was it, he had told him who everyone in the room was. Then he talked to her, he tried to repeat the conversation.

“I forgot your name.”
“Richie.” He had said.
Sarah! It was Sarah, he remembered now. That was it, Sarah, she was beautiful.

The whole time he was cooking, she hadn’t said anything and he was too busy thinking of her name to say anything.

He finished his eggs and sat down at the table across of her. “How are you today Sarah?” He asked, thinking how smart he was to remember her name and took his first bite of his eggs.

“I’m good Richie, how are you? You seemed uncomfortable yesterday.” She looked up at him across the table. She reassured herself the table was wide enough and he was three feet away from her and took another bite of her eggs.

“Better, a little bit more hopeful today.” He said positive and believed his words, there was no point about sulking around a rehab centre, he should get his life in order so he could go back on tour and in the end, see his daughter again. He had to be positive.

“That’s good, usually it takes people a day or two to get used to it. Missed group therapy, did you?”

He did but what was her excuse for being in the kitchen, he had understood the whole group had to be there, no excuses. “I did, what about you?” “You haven’t been there yet, they’re so boring. Besides, I don’t like acting like a kid like they do. They finish it off with a group hug, wouldn't surprise me if they even had a little dance.” She actually chuckled when she said it, surprised with herself.

More regret came to his mind, group hugs, dances? That was way too much for him.

“You don’t like that either, I can see it by your reaction.” She said, paying close attention to his facial expression. “It sounds like... crap.” Swearing probably wasn't a good idea. “It is, I sneak out every day, they gave up on complaining.” Sarah explained to him. “Who made you come here?”

Made him come? He had to be here, for his own health, he wasn’t doing this for anyone else, except for Ava. “I need to do this, I have my daughter, my work, so I have to fix this.” He said a little bit defensive.
“Of course, I’ll put it in another way, who dropped you off? No wife and children?” She hoped she hadn't insulted him, she didn't want to do that as uncomfortable she felt, she didn't.
Richie laughed. “No, my best friend, but he schemed the plan with my ex-wife.”

Go to the next chapter

Chapter 1

“Ok man, you can do it.” He said to his best friend, who was more like a brother to him.

“Yeah, it’ll be good.” He answered positively, he had to stay positive. It was the only way to make it work, stay positive. “You sure you can miss me for a month?”
“No, but your health is more important. It’ll be ok with that replacement we found.” He explained to him. He wasn’t too sure about that but he wouldn’t let on. He’d never had to miss his best friend for a whole month before.

He nodded his answer and gave his friend a hug goodbye. “You’ll be here in a month to pick me up, right Jonny?” He said as he picked up his bag with clothes for the month and his guitar that was safely in its bag.
“Of course I’ll be here Rich.” He answered and saw Richie turn around, open the door and walk inside.

Jon stood there until Richie was inside, then he turned around too and walked back to his car. He knew he would miss his brother on stage and off. It wouldn’t be the same but like he had said; his health was more important. He hoped this time it would help him to not abuse alcohol for good.

Richie walked inside and up to the front desk to check in.

“Checking in?” The lady asked him. Richie answered her and filled in the pages she had handed him.

After checking the pages she said: “Ok Richar-.”

He interrupted her when she started. ”Richie is just fine.”

“Ok Richie, I’ll show you to your room and give you a little tour around here.”

They walked up the stairs and the lady introduced herself as Tina. His room was at the end of the hall, Tina showed him and he dropped his bag of clothes by the closet to unpack later and put his guitar on his bed. He looked out of the window next to the closet and looked over the court yard as she explained to him that the opposite sex wasn’t allowed in bedrooms. He laughed to himself when she said that. He wasn’t looking for anything like that right now. She quickly showed him where everything in his room was and walked him back downstairs.

“This is the relaxation room, the living room as you will.” Tina explained to him when they walked into an open room with a long table and couches with a TV at the other end of the room. There was an entry way to the room next to it which was a dining room with a kitchen next to it. 

Tina explained to him that people were allowed to make a meal for the whole group if they wanted to, but there was a cook so he didn’t have to worry. Richie was relieved.

Tina continued to tell him about the therapy sessions. They were held in the other wing of the building but he would find that out tomorrow. There was private therapy and group therapy every day. So at least 3 hours a day, the rest of the day they would be free to roam the grounds. The building was shaped as a half oval, with a court yard between the two wings. Behind the court yard was a small wood.

She walked him back to the living and introduced him to everyone there. Tina left and Richie went to sit down in one of the couches. He wasn’t sure what he should do. There were 3 other people in the room and a lady reading a book at the table. He almost wondered where she got the book from and if he could get one too, then at least he could read instead of sitting in the uncomfortable silence in the room.

The man in the couch opposite of him decided to start a conversation, Richie felt relieved someone had. He wasn’t sure if he should have said something as it was so quiet in the room. The man introduced himself as Carl and then introduced the other people in the room.

“At the table is Sandy. She doesn’t say much, she reads a lot of books about addiction though.” He explained and then pointed to the other couch where a man and a lady, that looked uncomfortable being there, sat. “That’s Fred and Sarah.”

Richie nodded and made sure to remember everyone’s names. Carl asked him what he was in for, making it sound as jail. Richie explained he had a problem with alcohol and Carl said most people did. He continued to make small talk with Carl until Carl excused himself and left the room.

Richie sat alone for a few minutes. He didn’t particularly look forward to any of this. He admitted he had a problem and needed help but didn’t like being there. Last time he had left 2 weeks early. He knew this time he had to do the full 4 weeks. He had to; he had his 13 year old daughter to think of.

He sat there lost in thought when he felt the couch move next to him.

“Earth to, I’m sorry, I forgot you’re name.” He heard someone say.

He concentrated again and turned his head. “It’s Richie.” He said. “Hi Richie, I’m Sarah.” Sarah smiled at him, Richie just had to smile back, she had a beautiful smile.

“What were you thinking about?” Sarah asked him gently as she sat down next to him. “My daughter.” Richie confessed. “Do you have kids?” “Yeah, I have 2 boys.” Sarah said proudly, “They’re great.”

“Yeah, they are.” Richie agreed, thinking how Ava had changed his life for the better and how he couldn’t imagine life without her anymore. He’d said goodbye to her yesterday, after he would leave the rehab centre he would be in Europe for 2 months and wouldn’t see Ava until August. It was only end of April; he realized he wouldn’t see her for 3 months, maybe a few days in between.

“You just arrived today, didn’t you?” Sarah asked him. “About an hour ago, my friend dropped me off.” Richie explained to her. “This your first time here then?” “Here, yeah.” “So, you’ve done this before?” She asked and Richie nodded.

“What about you?” He asked Sarah. “My third time, but it has been 10 years since the last time.” Sarah explained to him, turning her head away from him like she was ashamed. He felt bad for her although he understood it wasn't easy to stop.

Sarah got up and went upstairs without saying anything more. Richie assumed she was going to her room. 

Again he was left alone in the room. Fred was still there, but he hadn’t said a thing. He looked around and noticed Sandy was gone too.

He started thinking and felt bad for asking Sarah about her history at the centre. She seemed ashamed of it and he felt bad for making her feel that. Of all the questions he could have asked, he asked that. He should have known better than to ask that, of course it would make her uncomfortable to talk about it.

Carl came back in the room and asked where everyone had gone. Richie answered he didn’t know and got up to go to his room too.

He took his guitar off his bed and sat down.

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