Chapter 8

“What do you want to talk about?” Richie asked when they sat down on the same bench by the pond. Sarah had said she needed to talk to him but then she hadn’t said anything more as they walked outside.

Sarah sighed, she had to tell him but it was difficult. Staring at the water she tried to think of words.

“I need to tell you about me.”

Richie was confused. “How do you mean? What about you?”

“Why I’m here and why I’ve been avoiding you for the last few days.” She still looked over the water, it was too hard to look up and face him.

So that’s where she had gone the last couple of days, he was getting worried about her. Every time he asked someone, nobody had seen her. “What do you want to tell me then?” What could be so important they’d have to go outside and be in a private place?

It's hard for me to say the things I want to say.” Sarah looked up at him, but when they made eye contact she looked away again.

Richie was stunned. Did she just say those words? Did she know him? Or was it coincidence that she used the words he had used in a song? He just waited for her. It was obvious she was having a difficult time with what she wanted to say and he wasn’t going to push her to tell him faster. “Take your time.” He said with a soft smile.

“I want to tell you why I’m here.” She looked away from the water but tried not to make eye contact. She tried to get all her courage together, it wasn’t that hard to just say the words but how would he react? No other way of finding out than just telling him. “You see Richie, I’m not here for addiction like most people are.” She finally looked up to face him.

“You’re not?” Confusion ran through his mind. What else would she be doing at a rehab centre?

“I have this little problem.” She chuckled. “Not little at all, it’s very big, huge.”

Now he just wanted her to tell him already. He wanted to know what was bothering her and why it was so hard to tell him.

Sarah looked back at the pond. “It’s a very long story.” She sighed.

“I’ve got time; just tell me what is wrong Sarah.” He wanted to reach out to her but pulled his hand back. “you’re making me worried.”

Sarah sighed again. “Okay.” She got her courage together and started talking. “It all started in college. I had some friends who liked to party and with that they drank a lot, so I started drinking too. It ruined everything; it got worse with every party until I just drank all day long. That’s how I failed my final exams in my last year.” Sarah still regretted it; college had been good until that last year.

“I had a boyfriend back then, it’s because of him I started drinking, and he always said one more couldn’t hurt.” She shook her head at the thought of it. “By the time I was 25 I had a serious drinking problem. I had lousy jobs but was fired after a few weeks anyway.”

Finally Sarah stopped looking at the water and looked up to face Richie, hoping she could see help in his eyes.

“All my life I had dreamed of a perfect life and there I was throwing it all away but I wanted more than what I had. I wanted a good job and I wanted kids at some point but alcohol was stopping it all for me. So at that time I made a very hard decision and went to a rehab centre.”

Richie was amazed, she had checked herself in, and that took a lot of courage.

“My boyfriend was by then my husband, he hated the idea of rehab but I had to do it for myself. I stayed longer than the usual month because I felt I had to.”

She tried to keep her focus on Richie while she talked, needing the contact. His brown eyes showed he wanted to know and wanted to help.

“After a few years things finally got around, I got a decent job and hadn’t drunk any alcohol since I left. My husband on the other hand was still drinking, although it was less than before but it was still bad. It made it more difficult to not drink.”

Richie knew that feeling, at an after party everyone would be drinking and he’d have to sit and watch until he couldn’t take it anymore. He kept watching her, trying to show that he cared about she was telling him.

“We finally had our two boys. Caleb first and then Noah. My husband promised to stop drinking for them but, you know, kids can be a handful. Every night he went to the bar and I never knew when he got home. Then he only got worse.” She could hardly say the last sentence as the memories came back to her.

Richie wondered how it possibly could get worse, 2 young kids and a drunken father. “How Sarah? What happened?”

“He started hitting me when the kids cried and woke him up.” She said softly. “In the beginning…” But she couldn’t find the rest of the words.

Richie was shocked, what man would hit his wife? After all it were his kids too. “Sarah.” This time he did reach out and rubbed her shoulder.

Sarah looked up at him when she felt his warm hand on her shoulder. “I’m here for anxiety Richie.”

“Anxiety? What are you scared of?”

“Men and about everything that comes with them.”

Richie’s hand dropped from her shoulder to the back of the bench. Was she scared of him too? “But you’re not scared of me?”

“No, but I feel very nervous around you.” She looked at him again, seeing pain in his eyes, she turned away. “But I have that with everyone; the only two men I’m comfortable around with are Caleb and Noah.” Looking into his eyes again she continued. “But I’m working on it. I don’t want to be afraid of you.”

Richie was trying to understand her. “What did he do that made you so afraid?”

“Everything. It started when he was getting home drunk every night. He’d get angry when I was already sleeping and he wanted…” She couldn’t say it. “Then he got violent and started hitting me until I would. He found that hitting me got him his way, during the day it was to make the kids listen and during the night…” She still couldn’t say it, tears started to roll down her cheeks.

Richie still couldn’t understand how a man could hit his wife. Out of sympathy his hand went back to her shoulder. “It’s ok Sarah, you don’t have to continue.”

“I do, I have to face this. I have to tell you this, you’re my only friend.”

“Okay, then just take your time, its ok.” He tried to reassure her.

“This is going to sound silly.” She said before she continued, it was silly to her too where she got her courage from back then.

“It won’t.”

“One week, he had been gone for a few days already. I had no idea where he was. I was just glad he wasn’t there. I put the kids to bed and went to watch tv. This movie was on, about a kid that tried to change the world. He lived with his mum who started dating his teacher. You might know the movie.”

Richie started listening more intently, it sounded very familiar.

“The kid’s mum had a drinking problem but then his dad got back home. The boy’s parents had a fight and she finally sent him away after that teacher had told her that the kid was suffering even though he wasn’t the one that got hit.”

“I do know that movie.”

“I have no idea who played the role of that father; I just remember he was cute.”

Of course, they always thought he was cute.

“That has nothing to do with it but then when the movie was over. I just had the idea I had to leave. I packed a few bags, got the kids out of bed and got in my car and drove all the way from Montana to my mother, here in LA.” Sarah tried to blink away the tears but couldn’t stop them.

“You left all on your own? That’s very courageous Sarah.” Richie said with a pad on her shoulder.

She smiled up at him. “It was the only thing I could do; I sent him divorce papers about a month later. I haven’t talked to him since.”

“Wow Sarah.” He was amazed at what she had done and that were the only words he could think of.

“Obviously that didn’t fix everything. After about 3 months I got depressed, so depressed my mum sent me here. I just couldn’t do anything anymore, even my boys didn’t cheer me up anymore. The therapies here helped and I could move on but every time a man talked to me I got scared. So scared I would avoid being around people all together. I quit my job and started working at home, completely isolated from the rest of the world.”

In a way he could understand why she did that, it was the way to avoid getting hurt again.

“But now my boys both understood what was going on too. My mum told me they were worried and all together we decided it was best for me to come back here again.”

Richie remembered his first night at the centre; she had been the one to talk to him first. “Then why did you talk to me, the day I got here?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I think it’s like when I knew I had to stop drinking, when I knew I had to leave, I just knew I had to talk to you.” The night that she had, she had been surprised too. He was exactly the kind of guy she’d be afraid of, tall and big but something about him had made her talk to him.

Richie’s hand slowly moved to her cheek, he made her face him. “I’m glad you did.” At that moment he wanted to kiss her but he resisted, knowing it was too soon for that and even if it was time, he’d let her be the first to indicate it.

“Thanks for listening.” She whispered.

Even with tear stains on her cheeks she looked beautiful. “Thanks for telling me.” He let his arm wrap around her shoulder in a hug. Wondering if it was a good idea to but she hugged him back. Richie didn’t move, it felt good having her close to him and wrapped his other arm around her pulling her tighter when he felt her sobs against his chest. “It’s ok Sarah, it’s all gone, it’s over.” He tried to comfort her, softly stroking her hair.

Sarah couldn’t stop the tears now and started crying; glad Richie was holding her while she let everything go.

In the end she tried to wipe away her tears but Richie still held her. She looked up to once again meet his eyes. Sitting back up, she moved closer to him. Slowly, very slowly she pressed her lips to his.

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